So I'm going

So I'm doing my best not to go into my 4th breakdown today.

I found out that there is a suitor for Kay. It was easy to see when I was hanging with him and her at St.Paddy's gathering, but......I just don't know how I feel about it.

I have been told that she isn't interested but.....I miss her so much and it hurts to have someone look at her and I don't ge the feeling she doesn't care cause she has me.

I don't know its silly.


But I have an idea. I'm not going to talk to her till I need to borrow the DS (which I actually need to do for my White and Black 2 Pokemon Games).

But I have this idea where I wonder if she would be interested in going on a date again if I see her, get the DS and tell her that if I don't talk for her for a week (or X amount of days) I'll treat her for dinner. If talk to her before the time that is allowed. Than the date is canceled and I don't get any other chance.


Its weird, I just.....we where even boyfriend girlfriend, just "monogamously seeing each other". When we started getting stressed our two sides of how we deal with it started to show. She needs her space and alone time but I need to be with someone when I'm stressed. And when I get rejected, I don't listen to people and when she doesn't get her space she becomes angry and feels like she needs to cut it out cause its a threat.


But after all that has happened. I get it. I finally get it.

She says the relationship has ended, but we didn't have one. We were just seeing each other. I never became her true boyfriend cause I had to hold back on stuff like that.

I hope that things get better. Cause well I love her.

And........she means a whole lot to me and I want to be something to her again.


I want that smile again and those kisses on the cheek from her.



I sound pathetic but getting out these emotions help me not text or message her in someway or form.


Its all for the sake of my sanity.

I hate thought that this is being a focus cause I have much more scarier things under the surface lurking. But its St. Paddy's so I can talk about realtionships today. Cause tomorrow...I'm not messaging her until I need that DS.

And hopefully...hopefully things will start going bac to the way they were before.

And look! No me not having a break down.

~The Silly Wanderer~