Chances

I want another chance. Not at just the relationship but at everything. I can't handle this and I want a way to make up for it. But I just seem I can't.

I miss her. I miss what I had. I miss the life I had before 2013 rang in. I thought the end of 2012 was bad but 2013 is just kicking my ass. And its my fault. I messed up. I messed up on school. At relationships (romantic, business, social, and family). I just messed up and I've put myself back to rock bottom. I can feel my brain doing everything it can to not be like it was two years ago.


I just can't go back to that state of mine. I feel that my mental disorders are getting harder to control and I just can't adapt to the world around me fast enough.


I just want to feel like I can do it again. I hate that it was her ending that unleashed this cause its not her fault that I feel like this.

I have been hiding from myself since March started and its my fault that I didn't just deal with it myself. But as a good friend told me today, "When I am sad, I become needy and need human companionship to the state of selfishness. When I am happy with myself, I don't need people, I appreciate them."

I can be what you wanted. I just fell down. I know I gotta get up but you need to bare with me. I think you are worth it. I want to be what you deserve.

Because that man is what I want to be. Not for you, cause thats what I need to be to survive.


I don't know.

I think i'm going to have a cry again.

~The Silly Wanderer~