Her love and my love where at different levels. It now is at the point where we can go our own ways and most likely won't happen again.
But you never know (The optimist inside me)
I realized that I didn't finish this blog.
It sucks cause I understand where she stands. And I get there are other people she is into but I love Kay. I won't stop loving her. I understand that she is angry at me right now cause I finally found out where I stood. I asked her why she wouldn't give me a chance when her ex did something to her and she gave him a chance. She gave him a chance cause she loved him and wanted to be with him. With me it was not the case. She liked me and she fell out of love.
I know that even though both sides have a blame, I'll take most of it.
Its a pity that I ruined it so much and I caused her this much stress and embarrassment.
If you are reading this Kay....
Know that since December 7th since when we first met, every day that I've known you (even now) is a wonderful day. You bring so much good and nice things to this world and you don't even know it sometimes. You are super smart, funny, and a good soul. In the Digimon series I'm writing, I gave you the Digi-Metal of Love. Why did I give it to you? Not cause of our relationship and the feelings we have, cause of the love that you give. Your life has been a series of good, bad, and ugly moments and you've been wronged countlessly. But you are such a strong independent person. And you continue to love. Your love is something special and it gives so much joy to so many people that are around you. My friends, your friends, your family. You just are someone who makes everyone's day better. And December 12 when I first kissed you and professed my feeling drunklingly....I wanted to be yours and you mine. You made watching the Hobbit amazing. You made me laugh and our skype sessions where one of a kind. We have laughed and cried together and had fun moments I will never forget.
Its a tragedy of how things ended, but for almost four months.........you made my day. Every day. I wish I wasn't selfish to keep that to myself but you are a beautiful individual. And it still makes my heart flutter saying that I love you.
I'm sorry that I've caused you such pain and stress. I didn't mean to look like I dropped it. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to scream to the heavens and be all "THIS ISN'T RIGHT! THIS ISN'T FAIR TO ME!"
Cause thats selfish. I don't own you. You are you cause you are such a free spirit.
Hopefully when you are reading this Kay (if you are that is) that I'm either in another state and making the moves that I'm over you.
But I'm not. Why?
Cause of that ^
That is one of my favorite moments. Cause well...look at it. When I was sitting there looking at that sunset after being goofy with you and us just sitting there....I never wanted to leave.
I fell so hard for you and still am.
I'm not going to get over you. I found someone who I can't get out of my head cause I feel like she is something precious and I don't ever want to lose it.
But I won't be ignorant to the pain I'm causing you. You've wanted me out and I've been selfish cause I didn't know why you wanted me to be away.
But I guess seeing you react now.....maybe I should have fought a little longer. Cause...well.....I love you.
And yes...this is a shout out post. So sue me.
~The Silly Wanderer~
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